Love's Enduring Promise
by rawrful
Summary: We had believed we had nothing to worry about when it came down to sex. We were both HIV positive. What did we need a condom for? It's not like we could do anything that would end our lives any faster. The sheer thought of pregnancy never crossed my mind.


**Title: **Love's Enduring Promise

**Rating:** PG-13

**Disclaimer:** Don't own them.

**A/N:** I know this is probably 923,749,374 words over the 500 word limit, and I apologize. It's been awhile since I've written anything and I tend to go overboard. Don't hate me.

P.S. - Gosh, my Roger is quite the downer.

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I was there when she had received the news. She was pregnant. This was actually happening. We should have known. All the signs were there, but she had thought it was just something to do with her new medication. Those were all listed side effects, after all. Sure, Maureen had made comments about how she had, "that glow", but we had shrugged it off, because 9 times out of 10 she doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. But she was right. Damn, she was right. Mimi was pregnant. We were going to have a child and for the first time in years I felt extremely unsure about something.

You know, the normal emotions someone would have at the discovery of this news never came to me. Instead I was filled with this overwhelming sense of fear and guilt. It pulsed through my veins and corrupted my ability to move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't hear. My body was paralyzed, but my mind was not. Questions continued to fill my head and I wanted to just break down and start crying until my eyes were too dry to release another drop. I wanted to know if my child would develop the disease that would soon end his or her parents' lives. What were the odds? 50:50? 75:100? Worse? Hell, I didn't know.

I went fucking insane when I had found out that I was HIV positive. Now, I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be born with this. To know that you're going to die. That you don't have the rest of your life ahead of you. That you only have here and now.

Shit, how could I let this happen? How could I explain to my child, to my baby, that he or she might not live forever? That they might not live past twenty. And what if they are born healthy and problem free? How could I explain to them that dad is going to die? That his or her mother and father are sick and there's nothing they can do about it.

Oh, god. Would I even be there when my child is born? This was something I didn't want to think about.

We had believed we had nothing to worry about when it came down to sex. We were both HIV positive. What did we need a condom for? It's not like we could do anything that would end our lives any faster. The sheer thought of pregnancy never crossed my mind. Did it cross hers? Did she ever think about it? Hell, is this

something she wanted? I...

The gentle feel of Mimi's small arms sliding around my waist breaks me away from the thoughts polluting my mind.

"Baby, what's wrong? You're going to be a daddy." She flashes that amazing smile of hers at me, but her face falls when she sees I don't return the gesture. "Aren't you excited?"

She tilts her head in a way that I've come to know. She's worried. Even afraid. Of what? That I'll leave her? That I don't want this?

I put my arms around her and squeeze tightly, trying to reassure her of my love.

As I smile down at her, she softly rests her head against my chest, and I finally feel her body relax slightly.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?" I, carefully, brush a stray curl away from her eye.

She pauses, almost like she's looking for the right words. "Happy? Are you happy about this?"

"Uh, yeah. Of course. I'm..." I try to hold back a cough. "I'm just...still a little shocked, I guess." This is partly true.

"Are you sure, because you know..."

"NO! Hell, no. No fucking way. I can't believe that you would even think that I would want that." I say, trying to control of the anger in my voice. "I mean, that's ju--"

"So, Congratulations you two." Mark voices behind me, cutting me off. "I saw the pregnancy test in the bathroom."

"Thanks." We both say simultaneously.

"You're going to be a dad. I can't believe it." I turn my head slightly only to see him beaming at me. You'd think he was the one having the child.

"Rog?" Mimi's voice shakes below me and she begins to pull away.

"Yeah?"

"Let go. I think...I think I'm going to be sick." I quickly release her and watch her as she races to the bathroom.

"So..." Mark begins once we hear the bathroom door has shut, "are you...afraid? I mea--"

"No." I say it before he can finish, while turning to face him.

"It's ok, Roger. It's ok to--" He stops once he hears the sound of Mimi vomiting and winces at the sound.

"I just need time to think, ok?" It comes sounding more annoyed than I actually am.

I turn to go and check on Mimi, knowing if I stay any longer I won't be able to contain myself, but the feeling of Mark's hand on my shoulder stops me.

"What?" It comes out sounding small, weak.

"It's ok. You're going to be fine." He whispers into my ear.

"But..." I try to protest.

"You're going to be there." He smiles, reassuringly. "Go take your AZT and stop worrying."

"You promise?"

"I promise I'll keep you alive for as long as I can."

As he says those final words to me, I start to think that maybe, just maybe, if I could give my child that kind of reassurance, the kind that Mark has continued to give to me day after day, week after week, year after year, that hope that he's instilled in me, that I can have an actual future that isn't destined to be filled with pain and misery, if I could give that one thing to my child, I think that things might just work out after all. And, you know, if Mark is wrong and, by some cruel chance of fate, I don't happen to make it through this pregnancy, I know that this child will have one hell of a godfather to receive that endless love and reassurance from. A man that will be able to tell them, "I'll keep you alive for as long as I can. I promise. I promise."


End file.
